An Old Fashioned Christmas
This column is part of the Worcester Sucks media empire which is sustained entirely by reader contributions! It’s just five bucks a month! Or, in Bostonian, 1.5 Dunkies a month! Thank you! - Bill
Dear Shaun,
Last week you told us to listen to a Christmas song I have never heard before. I am sure a lot of us readers have not heard it either. This song was Linda Bennett’s haunting “An Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy’s Home).” First could you give some advice to Ms. Bennett on the meaning of Christmas and the art of Christmas songs in general? It seems she may need some help. Also, did anyone write in to you with their take on this song? If so, please post!
- Decked My Halls
Dear Decked My Halls,
Yes, some people did write in! Here are some highlights of their responses:
Email Title: “Linda Bennett is an Asshole”
“I don't think I will ever recover from listening to this and I am telling everyone I come in contact with to also listen, so they can join me on this emotional ride. Thank you for sharing and happy holidays!” - Katie
“You're an evil man. I was just sitting here looking for a chuckle or two from your latest missive and lo and behold my brain was assaulted by the worst thing ever recorded…” - Doris
You’re welcome everybody, this is an all-timer for me. Truly, I don’t think Linda Bennett needs any advice, good or bad. Firstly, as Doris points out in their email, this song was arranged by Perry Como, THE Perry Como. It makes sense, the song itself sounds great and has a catchy-ass chorus. Plus you can add in all of the cinematic features of the song, with sound effects and the believable newscaster with his breaking reports. The song has a throughline. Now, whether you agree with that throughline or not is not my problem. I don’t like how The Sopranos ended, but I still love that show and I still eat fucking ziti.
If anything this song needs to be a part of the great Christmas songbook. I can turn on the radio at any point and hear that godawful “The Christmas Shoes” song by NewSong. That song has a department store worker getting scammed by a boy who wants to buy shoes for “his dying mom,” when we all know that the e-tail price of resold, never worn shoes can go through the roof. Oh yeah, Timmy? Your mom really needs these Jordan 3s? The resale value alone can buy Mommy a whole fucking wing at Brigham and Women’s Hospital. Mommy isn’t going “to meet Jesus tonight,” she’s going to be screaming “oh, Jesus” celebrating with Daddy tonight.
Please play this for everyone you know. Let’s make this song number one, like that Bill Nighy storyline in “Love Actually.” Sure it’s dumb but it is also so fun to watch new ear listen to it and react in horror. Thanks everyone!
NEWS
Last Friday we were able to raise $168 for Worcester Free Fridge at Hot Dog! at Coney Island. Thanks to all who came and we’ll see you at the next one, next year!
This Friday, I’ll be headlining at Unitary Clothing in Milford, NH. You can get tickets here. Then next week I’ll be in Houston, Tx with the in-laws till the New Year! But, please put January 19th in your calendar as that is our next The Sort of Late Show at Off the Rails. The last one was a blast we decided to do it again. Check the poster and for more info coming soon!
