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I get it. I too dislike football
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I hate football. I figure there are a lot of readers here that don’t like it either. The moral aspect is definitely part of it. But also it is boring, it is slow moving, and the rules seemingly change from play to play and game to game. I tried to like it, I gave it a shot. I’m not a “sportsball” person. I just think football is stupid and I can’t escape it, especially since the playoffs have started. Any advice or remedies on what to do to avoid football?
Dear Gridiron Gridlock,
I get it. I too dislike football. I have less of a strong constitution and I give in and watch with my friends. Truly, I enjoy spending time with likeminded people no matter what the occasion is. It is why I will also attend The Bachelorette watch parties, baby showers, or UFC pay-per-view bouts. What’s worse than football? UFC.
But there is usually good snacks. You can get a buzz going, if that’s your thing. Hell you can throw a tiny bit of money on the game to try and make it more interesting. But alas, you have tried and you still don’t like it. My assumption is that you also don’t care for the Taylor Swift of it all.
Fun side story, I watch the Bills/Chiefs game at Breen’s last Sunday and there was nothing funnier than a bunch of Webster Square townies who definitely identify as Brady fans and not Patriots fans mockingly cheering every time the cameras cut to Taylor. And then to add to it they all mockingly danced to Taylor songs at halftime. It was so much parody that it almost seemed like they enjoyed it? Like how my generation mockingly liked Journey and then it somehow become our stupid fucking bar anthem?
Anyways yeah you have got to get away from football. SWAT the games. That seems to the popular thing right now. Whenever someone on the internet doesn’t like someone else they just call a SWAT team to come in and ruin their house. Do that for football games? Okay, yeah not the best idea. But how about doing what Bane does in The Dark Knight? That must have been such a rush for comic book nerds. Seeing football get destroyed by a comic book character? Okay yeah, I know. Not possible. To truly escape? All my celebrity friends say you got to do ayahuasca. That’s the only way they feel they can escape NYC or LA or their many debts. So yeah go on a four hour trip where you throw up and diarrhea, but may talk to god. Seems like a good trade I guess. Also, the trip lasts as long as a football game.
I’ll tell you what if you can get enough of your friends to take it together, I’ll start a Fantasy League. My friends and I can draft each of you and make bets on what portals you enter and what colors move you and what god is like. This could be fun. Do that and report back.
Send any and all questions to email@example.com with the subject line "Bad Advice."
Thanks to everyone who came out to The Sort of Late Show last week. Such a great crowd, such a fun group of guests, just real genuine fun. We’ll have a date for the next one soon.
As far as shows for me this week, I’ll be at Exhibit A Brewing in Framingham. I’m headlining this show and I’m very excited for that. You can get tickets here.
Also quick shout to me and everyone at Ralph’s Rock Diner, we won Best Open Mic at the Boston Comedy Choice Awards. In fact Worcester comedy showed up big that night winning a lot of the awards. Check out Jimmy Cash, Brieana Woodward, Al Christakis, Tim Ciampa. They are all hilarious and all rep 508! Here is our acceptance speech.
That’s it for now! Thank you!