Back to School?
Rodney Dangerfield already did that
Dear Shaun,
With the new school year underway I always have this strange instinct to go back. I have a bachelor’s degree, am in a minor amount of student loan debt, have a job, but I always kind of miss the routine of school. I wasn’t a stellar student, but now with some years on me I would like to go back and do it again. Not just squeak by and enjoy myself with the social life, but really tackle the academic side. Am I crazy?
-Pop Quiz Questioning
Dear Pop Quiz Questioning,
Go back to school! My son just started preschool and he is thriving. I had to pick him up early for something during his first week and he had a full blown meltdown because he was having so much fun. He says he has a best friend (not like Donnie Darko-style, the school provides pictures of the playing they do!), he is learning all sorts of new things, and best of all he is mentally exhausted after a full day.
I think you should do this too. But Billy Madison-style. You got to start with preschool. Except you don’t have to do this to prove to your dad that you are worthy of being a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Also, you don’t have to start dating your teacher who is way out of your league. But treat each two-week period as a trial run. What do you like and dislike about each grade? Do you miss school or do you just miss a sanctioned nap time? Is it recess you require? What if it is just variety? What if you just miss having 42-minute classes of a slew of different subjects?
Using my own experience when I miss something, you don’t miss the actual thing. This is the curse of nostalgia. When you miss something you are missing the actual time and place from however long ago. You don’t actually miss Power Rangers, you miss how cool you felt when you were six and learned how to spin kick without falling. You don’t actually miss your ex-girlfriend, you just miss how good those first two weeks together were. But, if you lived your whole life like you did those first two weeks you wouldn’t have any friends, you’d be broke from all of the dates you went on, you’d have spent $1 million on condoms (if you’re a male), or just be exhausted from all those ‘gasms (trademarked from the 2023 Smokey Robinson hit “Gasms”).
Yes, go to school. Remind yourself why you liked it. I don’t think it was the homework. It may be that you take to the reading assignments, but my guess is that you miss it because you are 20 years closer to death and have regrets from your former years. Or maybe you just miss doing Punnett squares! Who knows for sure?! Send me your report cards to show me your progress!
NEWS
I was supposed to be opening for Tim Meadows this weekend at Laugh Boston, and I have been thoroughly looking forward to that. However there was a miscommunication and he prefers to highlight a woman as his host and so I had to help break the glass ceiling for someone else.
I will be much closer to home, though! I’ll be opening for Harrison Greenbaum at Timberyard Brewing this Friday at 9 p.m.! You can get tickets to that show here.
Next week starts our upcoming run of Hot Dog! at George’s Coney Island Hot Dogs. First show is September 20th. I have explained this show before, but essentially comedians spin a game wheel and they find out what kind of set they are going to have to do. It is one of my favorites to do and its FREE. Here is the flyer:
