Bad Advice Bad Gift Guide
Wrap that baby up nice and give it back to them.
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Also in terms of actual gifts there are now cool camo hats in the merch store.
Dear Shaun,
I am having trouble buying gifts for my loved ones. I was wondering if you could help me figure out what to buy for them. Obviously some of the best gifts are specific and niche to the person who is receiving, but I am asking for some broad ideas that if anything may spark inspiration for the people I care about. Any help is much appreciated!!
-Gift Gobsmacked
Dear Gift Gobsmacked,
I consider myself a pretty good gift giver. My present to my brother and sister-in-law was actually just sent to their house last night and it was a table tennis table. They love it, except it weighs 138 pounds and they have to carry it to the basement. My gift was strictly transactional, and I have no intention of helping them carry that awkward and heavy box down the stairs. So yeah, I’ll be glad to give you some ideas for gift giving, though goddamn you are cutting it close. Oh wait, this was sent to me in November. My bad! I’m the one cutting it close!
Gift Card to a Place You Like to Eat
This is a no brainer. It does not matter where they stand on this restaurant. Pick a place you love to eat. When they open the present they’ll ask you about the place and you can rave about it, and then they’ll feel like they should take you when they use it. If you and the receiver live in different cities or states, even better. Make sure the gift card is for a place where you live so they will come visit you and you can get what’s essentially a prepaid meal!
Something They Gave You Last Year
This one kind of has to be planned out from last holiday season. Most people are not me, and are sort of bad at giving gifts. If you got a candle, or a winter hat from a local sports team, or a t-shirt from a place you didn’t visit, put it in a safe place. Then, the following year, wrap that baby up nice and give it back to them. You don’t have to say that it is the same one. You can say that you liked it so much last year that you decided to return the favor. That way, they think it is thoughtful and you get that horrid thing out of your house.
Cooking Classes
This one is great when it is for someone who can’t cook.
A Photo of Yourself in a Nice Frame
For the egotist. You can say you noticed the last time you were over at their house that they didn’t have any pictures of you. So you decided to get professional photos done of yourself and frame one. Either the person feels obligated to have your photo hung or placed in their house for them and their guests to see, or they get a nice frame out of the deal. Win-win if you ask me.
A Note Saying You Donated to a Charity in Their Name
You don’t even have to do it. You can just say that you did it. The perfect crime.
A Painting You Did at One of Those Paint Nights at a Bar You Got Dragged To
I, thankfully, have never had to do one of those horrid things. I don’t need an excuse to drink a glass of wine. I will drink a glass of wine whenever I damn well please. I don’t need the veil of painting a still life or beach scene poorly at a bar. But based on photos of those nights, the majority of millennials have done one of those and definitely have a painting somewhere. Wrap it up and give it away. The receiver doesn’t need to know how or where you made it!
Sex
Only if they consent! Also make sure it is not a family member. Unless that is what your family is into. Maybe it’s a step-sibling. I hear that is very popular as a genre on certain websites…
A Fruit Basket but It Is Just the Fruit That You Have Lying Around the House
Spruce it up with like ribbon or some shit.
Emergen-C
Don’t skimp out on them. Get the branded stuff, not the CVS knock-off. In my eyes, this is a very nice gift. This time of year is cold and flu season and this is a pretty great way to keep them healthy. You’re a hero!
There you go, this is a killer list. Hope you have a nice holiday!
NEWS
Thursday I’m back at the brand new comedy club in Boston’s Theater District, Lil Chuck. I’ll say it again, horrible name, but such an amazing room for comedy. You can grab tickets here.
I leave for Houston on Sunday and will be there for the holiday. I’m back the following week and will be doing an early comedy show downstairs at Ralph’s for New Year’s Eve!