Bad Advice: FireJerks

We like it when the things go boom

This is Issue #3 of Shaun’ Bad Advice of a new series on this platform. For more on what Bad Advice is and why it’s in Worcester Sucks now, head to issue #1. This column as well as the overall Worcester Sucks publication are sustained exclusively by reader contributions. Still running a 50 percent off deal for a year to celebrate the third anniversary. Please consider it!

Dear Shaun,

I have PTSD and so do many in my neighborhood due to various reasons.  I know it's the 4th of July but other neighbors seem to think it's ok to have fireworks going off in their yards.  What am I to do?

-Petrified

Dear Petrified,

I have no idea what you’re talking about when you say “PTSD.” It is very frustrating when I haven’t caught up on all of the latest cultural trends. I am still trying to learn how to “Dougie” and am still attempting to keep my Tamagotchi alive. Often, I feel out of touch. The older and older I get the more I feel like I am chaperoning life around me. Whether it is pretending like I don’t see kids smoking pot, sneaking nips into bars, or saying they’re politically active but aren’t even registered to vote I am finding myself taking a heavy sigh at these idiot younger generations. But at the same time, I’m constantly trying to stay up at what is bussin’, or taking an online survey about whether I have “rizz” or not.

I say all this to say that fireworks are a classic. They will never get old, they will never be too much, they will never over exemplify our country’s obsession with being heard and known while simultaneously inconveniencing other’s lives around us.

Fireworks are fun for everyone and if someone says otherwise, they are just looking for attention. Yeah, I’m looking at you cowering little Chihuahua under the coffee table, we get it: you just want more pets.

I don’t know you that well, Petrified, and I truly don’t know what PTSD means but I assume it stands for Petrified of Totally Super Detonations. Which is a bummer because Totally Super Detonations are exactly what fireworks are. I recommend two options:

1.) Continue to stay scared, possibly wear some noise canceling headphones and just listen to “Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner.

2.) Or you can assimilate and push down your fear like the rest of your fellow Americans.

Send any and all questions to woocomedyweek@gmail.com with the subject line "Bad Advice."

NEWS

My next show in Worcester will be on July 22nd at Pepe’s Dolce Bar on Shrewsbury St. I’m headlining and looking forward to getting to do more time. Tickets go on sale this week. Stay tuned.

We had such a great showing at Kate Willett on 6/30 at Ralph’s! Thanks to all that came out. The next WOOtenanny show isn’t until 8/13 but it is a whopper, with Eddie Peptione coming to The White Room. You can find tickets here.

Till next time folks! (Which could be later this week?)