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Bad Advice: Stuffed French Post
Luxuriate my toast
This is Issue #2 of Shaun’ Bad Advice of a new series on this platform. For more on what Bad Advice is and why it’s in Worcester Sucks now, head to issue #1. And that third anniversary subscription deal is still running!
I've heard whispers for years now that the Ms. Worcester Diner is going to be knocked down to build "luxury" condos. Clearly that hasn't happened, but I think it's true that a "luxury" condo developer now owns the property on which that humble train car rests. Ms. Woo might be my favorite comfort food spot, and I don't think I'll ever be ready to grieve its loss. What should I do if news becomes official that it's getting knocked down? Will Betty's offer them sanctuary in a side room?
-French Toast Fiend
Dear French Toast Fiend,
Luxury apartments as a real estate category is so funny to me. What is so luxurious about renting an apartment? Consider the renter: they clog a toilet, they start a fire, they smoke inside. All of these things are not luxurious. If they clog the toilet or the shitter breaks they got to call someone and that someone may not get back to them right away. If there’s a fire you (possibly) have a cheap rental insurance plan that give you some of your stuff back, if you smoke in your own bedroom, you are not getting your deposit back. Nothing luxurious about renting an apartment.
You know what is luxury? Stuffed French toast. Made by Worcester’s finest. In a diner car that was practically built on location. Are you telling me that blueberry and ricotta French toast isn’t divine? You mean to say that Nutella and banana mushed inside of a thick, egg-soaked slice of bread isn’t peak elegance? I think not.
I appreciate your concern. Worcester “developers” possibly doing the old bait and switch from true luxury to The Simpsons “Monorail” episode is happening a lot recently. I like your forward thinking in suggesting having a stuffed French toast station at Hurricane Betty’s. After eating, “Sweaty Betty’s” would have a whole new meaning especially if they also still serve that meat-lovers eggs benedict.
If the apartments do actually get built and Miss Worcester gets pushed out we should crowdfund for those luxurious domiciles. Let’s rent out one. Then we can have our favorite short order cooks work out of those luxury kitchens and we can all sit in those luxury suites while eating our stuffed French toast. Will those dumbass “developers” get our money? Sure, but I’m confident they also will not be happy that a bunch of breakfast fanatics are coming in and out of their building slopping up decadent meals. Then when it comes time to renew our lease we will ignore them and explore our squatter’s rights. We can then eat French toast until the sea rises over our heads.
Send any and all questions to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line "Bad Advice."
Summer can be a tough time for comedy, so shows are slim for me coming up. However, we have a fantastic comedian in Kate Willett coming to Ralph’s this Friday. You can still buy tickets ahead of time here, but we will have them at the door as well. Also, Bryan O’Donnell did the poster and it’s awesome. If that doesn’t draw you in alone I don’t know what else to tell you. Till next time!