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Beers and Buds
Who judgeth and who careth?
This is Issue #10 of Shaun’ Bad Advice of a new series on this platform. For more on what Bad Advice is and why it’s in Worcester Sucks now, head to issue #1. This column as well as the overall Worcester Sucks publication are sustained exclusively by reader contributions. Please consider a paid subscription!
I love drinking beer. It’s like so sick right? Whenever I’m drinking beer, I’m always like this is rad and I want another. And its not just like craft beers, which can be cool. I like just having a cold one. I know I can’t always have a beer, I have a job that I can’t be drink at, but when it is time for me I just want a beer! My friends, family and bartenders say that they think I may have a problem. I appreciate their concern, but I’m never wasted I just like having a beer or 10! I’m always safe and if I do have one too many I always make sure to get home by ride share or a friend. Sometimes if I don’t have plans, I’m just at home and I have a beer and everyone says that definitely means I have a problem. Are all my friends just prudes? Or do I really have a problem?
-Beer For Breakfast
Dear Beer For Breakfast,
Dawg, yes. Beer is cool. I like drinking beer too. Do I have a problem? No. Do you have a problem? No clue dude. I’m not completely comfortable being a substance abuse consultant. I just give bad advice. The bad advice typically would be to just keep doing and maybe even overdo it to really show all your prim and proper idiot friends that you can handle some dope beers. Really go on a bender, prove to them once and for all that you are cool and they are losers. But, that’s actually not the advice I’m going to give.
I think the worse advice would be to quit cold turkey. Prove to them that you don’t have a problem by walking away from the one thing you love the most. Yeah sure you could get drunk all day and all night each and every day and night and show them all that you’re still cool and can party hard and still live your fucking life. But I say just walk away.
Think about it, just being stone cold sober and not being identifiable by just one thing. Will you regret this? Yeah, maybe. Will you experience withdrawals? Yeah, probably, based on the little I know of your hobby. Will you blow people’s minds that you have more of a personality than just “drinkin’ beer?” Absolutely. Start reading books, or volunteering at a shelter, or write poetry, or run a marathon. Don’t let your concerned friends put you in a box. How dare they judge you and make you question your passions. Just for say, 3 months zig where they are zaggin’. Shove it in their face that you don’t need to be defined by one thing and make them feel bad when they see you running 26.2 miles or reading stanzas at a coffee shop. Fuck your friends.
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We just had an unbelievable time at Ralph’s on Tuesday. WOOtenanny gave away $3,500 in prize money thanks to the Worcester Arts Council grant we got and forgot to spend. Congrats to Danya Trommer in 3rd place, Brandon Battick in 2nd, and Matt Bedell in first. We changed their lives, we are heroes, you’re welcome.
The next big I have going on is I am headlining Nick’s Comedy Stop in Boston. This is a legendary club. You name a great comedian to come out of Boston in the last 40 years, they have played here. I have been hosting or featuring there for the last decade. And now, for the first time I get to headline. Bryan O’Donnell will be hosting, Mairead Dickinson, Victor Tran and Josh Stokes will be doing time on it and it is going to be a blast. You can buy tickets here.
Okay, till next time!