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Dear Shaun,
My husband says that we shouldn’t complain about how much snow we get because we chose to live here and this is what we signed up for. I think that is a callous way to look at it. I think we can enjoy the snow, sure, but part of the collective experience is the complaining. Oklahomans can complain about tornadoes, Louisianans can complain about hurricanes, and New Englanders can complain about snow. Especially when you get 33 inches!
-Blizzard Blues
Dear Blizzard Blues,
Throw your husband into a snow bank. This is trash behavior. Does your husband also say that NFL players can’t celebrate after scoring a touchdown? Does he actually think that if you clap hard enough the band is going to come out and not that they already had a planned encore? Does he believe that politicians never lie and aren’t for the most part out for their own personal interests? You got to dump this chump.
I know you wrote in with a cute dispute between you and the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with, but this runs deeper. This guy has no joy in his life. This black and white way of thinking brings nothing but ruined expectations. Nothing just happens according to an expected outcome, except maybe arithmetic? I don’t know, I’m not a numbers guy. The beauty of life is the stuff in the in between!
I get it, complaining in general has maybe hit an apex. It is what drives algorithms. Complaining is what drives the online culture. But this isn’t complaining about political views or whether or not we should treat humans with decency and respect. This is complaining about the weather! Cavemen did this. Do you think cavemen ever scolded their fellow tribesmen because someone was complaining about sabretooth tigers being around? You think that caveman was like, “this is the life we chose, stop complaining about these tigers.” If he did I’m sure the tribe would have throw in him in the first ever fire and molded his bones into the first ever wheel.
In a world where people can’t agree on whether the Cracker Barrel logo is gay or not (or whatever), how much snow we get and whether we should like it should not be an argument. This should bring us all together! A collective misery that ultimately brings us joy. If you just push down the misery and convince yourself that 33 inches is normal than of course you’ll also think that Kash Patel partying with the US Men’s Hockey team is cool and normal.
Listen, I bet your relationship is great and you thought that this would be a fun little dunk on your hubby. But this goes as deep at the snow drifts in my backyard, this guy is a dud and you deserve better. Complain about the snow all you want and after you dump his ass he can tell all his friends that he shouldn’t complain because he chose to live with you and it was inevitable.
NEWS
This Saturday is one heckuva show. We’ll be hosting Anthony Devito! He has been on Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central and has a brand new special out on YouTube called, Straight Hoopin’. Anthony has come to Worcester a bunch and the crowds have been awesome. I doubt anything will be any different this time around. You can grab tickets early here.
ALSO The Roast of Worcester is back! This year we’ll be raising funds for LUCE. The lineup is fantastic and thankfully Worcester has yet again given us a ton to make fun of. Make your donation here!
Was that an intervention or a mediation, Shaun? Angry therapy, breh.