Happy snow day. Thanks for reading! Think about pitching in if you find yourself in the gift giving mood. —Bill
Horrorscopes
Sagittarius- It’s year-end list time! Of course you didn’t see every movie or TV show, hell no you didn’t listen to that Rosalia album yet, and there ain’t no way you read all the books that were up for the Booker Prize. Make a Top 10 of your favorite gross snacks you made when you were too lazy to go to the grocery store. Or a Top 10 of the times you cried to “You’ll Never Walk Alone” (is that too “me” specific?)
Capricorn- It is gift giving season and we are all strapped for cash. Remember that homemade gift can be just as impactful. That includes a baby, just make one or buy one, I think they’re on Etsy.
Aquarius- The time where we all begin to bulk up is here. The stars say to take it a step further and fully hibernate. Go into that months-long slumber and I’ll see you in March.
Pisces- Remember there are only two people in this world, those who Catfish online and those who are Catfished.
Aries- Next time you finish paying at the grocery store, tap the person behind you and just say, “you’re it.” That person will either be the next love of your life, or your newest enemy.
Taurus- Don’t fly for the holidays. Travel the old fashioned way, by hitching onto freight trains. I’ll tell ya there’s nothing like fire-warmed chili in a can and the “pathump, pathump” of your back on the railcar.
Gemini- Start committing white collar crime, it seems like the only way anyone can succeed in this world.
Cancer- Follow my lead and start identifying as a “data center.” If corporations are people, then surely data centers can be too. Think about it! We, no matter how dumb we are, are full of data. We also take up space, much like any center anywhere. Hell, positions in multiple sports have the name “center.” We are data centers, starting hoarding water and reap those tax incentives.
Leo- Don’t forget to season your food.
Virgo- Signs point to your new aphrodisiac being coffee cake, and I refuse to yuck your yum.
Libra- I went to my high school reunion and have come to the conclusion that glow ups are real, there is still time for you.
Scorpio- Your knew budget strategy is “Punch Card.” This is how you win. You’re going to get so much free coffee, sandwiches, and soup in like 3 months from now. Prove to those delis and baristas that you’re the Alpha.
NEWS
WOOtenanny’s first ever Spelling Bee was a huge success. We raised $800. Huge thank you to our CHAMPION, Sarah Stewart. Huge thank you to our host, Hunchback Gallery. Huge thank you to all the folks who came out to spell, laugh or donate. Worcester, you’re the best.
This week we have two amazing shows. On Thursday we are at Boland’s with a great cast of comics and the best Guinness pour in Worcester. Then, Friday is Hot Dog! at Coney Island Hot Dogs. Both of these shows are free and they are both so friggin’ fun. Posters below.
