Happy Halloween everybody! Bad Advice is supported entirely by paid Worcester Sucks subscribers! It’s just $5 a month and goes toward sustaining the city’s true independent voice!!
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And still a few beanies in the merch store!
Ok now to Shaun.
Horrorscopes
Scorpio- It is so sick that your birthday is right around Election Day. That must not be an unwanted stress at any point for you. If you’ve become agnostic, I am happy for you, but you simply do not care.
Sagittarius- Go and buy as much discounted candy as you possibly can. Now you have your holiday presents. You just did your Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever it is you celebrate shopping. Proud of you!
Capricorn- This is the time of year you get more philosophical, go read The Cave in a cave and discuss how god is dead with your mom. And right now she is looking hot, so hot you may have to gouge your eyes out. And if you do? Just know you got another shot at it, but maybe this time as a squirrel or some shit.
Aquarius- Only use a pencil. You make a lot of mistakes. This way your checks will be void too and you’ll get way more phone calls. Now you won’t be as lonely as you’ve been feeling! No mistakes and more friends? You’re welcome.
Pisces- My son just got Hungry Hungry Hippos the game as a hand-me-down gift from his cousin. It is a game of capitalism. Even more so than Monopoly. In Monopoly you can make the choice to charge and make others go bankrupt. In Hungry Hungry Hippos it is just four fat fucks trying to take what is someone else’s as fast as possible. You’ve got to decide how you’re going to live your life: like a hippo or a top hat. Choose wisely.
Aries- I’ve convinced my son that, when he falls and possibly hurts himself, if he takes a deep breath it will make him feel better. A lot of the time it works! Just breathe, because our healthcare system is crumbling!
Taurus- Your personality is now Chappell Roan.
Gemini- I’m binge watching The Sopranos and I need you to catch up. As of today I’m on the Season 2 finale, HURRY UP.
Cancer- On Thanksgiving go knock on all your neighbors’ doors and trick-or-treat. If they call you out on it, just play dumb and say you must have forgotten to change your calendar, then slide inside and ask them what kind of pie they got. Even if they don’t have pie go straight for the aperitifs. Get a buzz on.
Leo- We may be getting a new moon soon. A small one. Remind yourself that no job is too small, and you, despite it all, can and will be recognized.
Virgo- Go sing karaoke. When you go, pick a duet and offer the mic to anyone else in the room. Then eight months from now tell me about your meet-cute and let me officiate your wedding, if that’s your thing.
Libra- For Día de los Muertos, frame a picture of the last burrito you housed. They were really good to you. Honor them.
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NEWS
This weekend I am, yet again, at The Comedy Scene in the shadow of Gillette Stadium. I am featuring for Kathe Farris on Friday and Alex Giampapa on Saturday. You can grab tickets here.
Next week we have two great shows for you! On November 8th we’ll have Hot Dog! back at Coney Island that show is free and is going to be a real hoot. Then, on November 9th we are doing a show at the Millbury location of Heartland Barber! Tickets are live and available here.
Here are the posters:
This outlet is 100 percent reader funded and it would be great if you could trick-or-treat us a few bucks!