I'm Trying, Jennifer

Remembering when things were funny online

Worcester Sucks and its many big beautiful columns including Shaun’s are always free to read—no paywall!—because of readers who volunteer a small amount of money monthly or yearly or on a tip-by-tip basis to keep us going. Thank you! —Bill

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Dear Shaun,

Where the fuck have you been? What the fuck is your problem? There is so much uncertainty in the world, I need you to stay consistent my dog. Please stay on schedule!

-Consistent Connolly Concern

Dear Consistent Connolly Concern,

I hear you. There was a time when Twitter was at it’s peak and we all were connected and things were funny on it. Once, the Portland Trailblazers were really trying to win a NBA Championship. They had a homegrown core, and they were adding pieces that were putting them on track to win it all. The Trailblazers are like the Red Sox before they broke the curse in 2004. They are a cursed franchise who can’t seem to get out of their own way. There was a back and forth on Twitter between CJ McCollum and a Warriors fan. That was the beauty of Twitter: the connection we all had to some of the best athletes in the world. CJ got into her replies defending his team, despite getting beaten in the playoffs. At one point Jennifer tweeted at him, “Win a playoff game game then talk.” CJ responded “I’m trying, Jennifer.” It was such a vulnerable moment. Only other beautiful pieces of literature, like “The Brothers Karamazov,” have given us the exact feeling, emotion and strife in three simple words.

I’m trying, Jennifer.

It is hard in these streets. I do want to apologize. There have been some big changes over in my neck of the woods. But I am on track, I handled my business and I will be there for you. I totally recognize that this sentiment is from one reader. I by no means believe that you are all clamoring for my work, but at the same time I recognize, whether you even realize it or not, it is sometimes nice to have something pop up in your feed that is not the actual news. Reality sucks. Especially right now.

I am expecting another child. Truly I am so excited and happy to have another person in my life to wholly love. Yet, I really am terrified to bring them into this world. I have to remind myself that she can be the change and I have to be there to give her the tools to give her that chance. Plus I’m just tacking on more years of getting poop and fart jokes from my kids. How can you get mad at that?

When I was teaching, there would be moments where I would talk to a student and they would open up about their life or what was going on in their head. I would absorb it and then on a break go to my car and bawl my eyes out. Then I would come back into my classroom and see that a different student would have drawn a picture of a cat but with my face on it, with the words “you’re purr-fect” on my whiteboard. That whiplash, man.

Way more than being the class clown, or acting in plays in school or having supportive parents giving me confidence, the cruelty of life and then life giving you something else that is absurd and weird right after is what gives me my sense of humor. Does that make me laugh at some of the worst things sometimes? Absolutely. But it also gives me the sensitivity and empathy to get the worst thing to be a universally funny idea.

I appreciate you writing in and holding my feet to the fire. I will be better. I will be funnier. I will have your Horrorscopes next month.

NEWS

Friday night I was at The Comedy Studio in Cambridge and I donated my payment to The Immigrant Defense Project. Hope you all participated in the general strike. Saturday, we had another show at Hunchback Gallery. It was the very talented Matt Shore doing his zany musical stand up comedy. You missed out! Next month is Anthony DeVito gracing our stage and you should not miss it!

This week we have our regular Thursday show at Boland’s on Water Street. Show is at 8 p.m. and if you followed along to who our Hot Dog in Residence is at Coney Island you’ll see a familiar face headlining, Logan O’Brien! We will also have a writer from The Onion and Reductress, Kathy Lynch. SHOW IS FREE!