Is It Pronounced "Job" or "Job"?

Who's to say?

This column is part of the Worcester Sucks media empire which is sustained entirely by reader contributions! Subscribe or upgrade to paid by smashing the button below.

Tons of new stuff up on that merch store btw, like this Katie Nowicki illustration of the greatest moment in Worcester history.

-Bill

Dear Shaun,

What life advice would you give to someone who had worked through their 20s to figure shit out, get through ups and downs, finally get things where they wanted to be, and then life takes its cat paw and goes “fuck you” and knocks everything off the table when you turn 30 and you lose your job all within the first month of the new year? I feel like 13 Going on 30 but in reverse and in the worst way possible. Being a teenager was not fun, I tried to get shit together in my 20s, and now I feel like I’m right back where I started, although now there’s bills involved so it’s worse.

-On Hold with Unemployment

Dear On Hold with Unemployment,

I want to first say so I’m sorry you lost your job. Capitalism is gripping our collective nipples and twisting until a teacher is forced to say something only because they just installed CCTV cameras in the cafeteria and he know he can only ignore it for so long until he gets fired for this one.

In this metaphor: we are the nipples, capitalism is the thumb and forefinger, the economy is the apathetic teacher, the CCTV cameras are an election year and the cafeteria is the job market and it is Salisbury steak day. Confused? Try setting up a LinkedIn.

This is 100% true and I have absolutely no data to back this up. But life sucks. We all work really hard and it all eventually comes crashing down. As I write this, I turned 37. I can tell you that my nipples keep getting twisted. Not only because that’s my thing, but we got a car totaled, got another car and had that totaled, got another car and had to do $1,000 in repairs, then found out I am bad with money and had to pay down a credit card bill. You know how hard it is to find out you are bad with your money? Devastating. Who am I to say to my three year old who doesn’t understand the concept of commerce to say no he can’t steal that toy from Target? I couldn’t afford it if I went to the counter!

What I’m trying to say is, find a side hustle. But make sure you don’t hustle. Try sports betting, Keno, or credit card fraud. Those things will eventually make you lots of money. Even if it all evens out in the end, at least the ride was a lot better than just stressing our self out at a job you don’t like.

I guess, what I’m saying is: “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” which legitimately should be the slogan for Keno.

Send any and all questions to woocomedyweek@gmail.com with the subject line "Bad Advice."

NEWS

This week I’ll be in Houston for the Rodeo, and I’ll be doing two shows at the Secret Group on 3/7 and 3/8. If you are there or know anyone in Texas come on down my way!

Next week we have our first Hot Dog! in a bit at George’s Coney Island. If you haven’t seen the show before it is something else. Comedians spin a wheel to determine what their set will be. It is funny and chaotic and they serve beer and hot dogs later than usual just for us.

The week after we are hosting The Roast of Worcester again. We have some great roasters this year as well as a couple of surprises. There isn’t a cover, however we will be asking for donations for Compassionate Care ALS. They were and still are really great to my family while my dad was alive and continue to support us today. Click the link for more info, or this one to donate and join us on March 22nd in The White Room.