Is veganism even worth it in 2025?

You could just go the complete opposite direction

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TYVM ILY,
Bill

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Dear Shaun,

I have been considering becoming vegan. It feels like one of the few things I can control in my short time on this earth. But then again, the short time is what is bugging me. Does it matter that I even try to make a difference?

-Vexed on Vegan

Dear Vexed on Vegan,

There was a time when being a vegan meant you dropped out of a school like Hampshire where you chose your own major called “Playwriting for the Working Class as it Adheres to Globalism.” You wore Birkenstocks, you grew your own weed, you dated someone from UVM, but you only saw them three or four times a year, when you followed moe. for a bit. Obviously this is the white, WASP-coded version of veganism. I understand that there are many cultures and religions that also follow a vegan diet or vegan-adjacent. The difference between those communities and the person I described above is that those communities don’t rub it in your face.

Being vegan is so split now. The most annoying people on both sides of the exhausting spectrum are vegan. You still have the moe. fan, but infuriating NYC Mayor Eric Adams claims to be vegan, domestic-abusive MMA fighters are vegan, Woody Harrelson is vegan. It’s a whole new world!

Should you become vegan? I think I’m going to answer to your nihilistic outlook on this one. What the fuck does it matter? Your meatless- and animal protein-less diet is not going to shift our outcome: the horrible storms, decimating heatwaves, flooding, starvation and ultimately death. I have talked about my son before, and I love him to death, and everyday his charm, joy and spontaneity remind me of the guilt I have for even bringing him into the world. How dare I think another human with my genetic makeup deserve to live and die and possibly sooner than planned for a bajillion reasons?

I say you become a cannibal. That is one way to get rid of some carbon footprints (feetprtints?). If we start to eat people (the rich) then we can start to get rid of polluters, meat eaters, and awful people. Too much for you? I get it. I wasn’t too keen on eating alligator at first, but you cure something enough and put it in a sausage or hot dog form it all washes out in the end, amiright?

I recognize I will get pushback on this. There are a lot of philosophical and ethical quandaries on the subject of eating people. But remember, this is a comedy column! Chuckle funny haha!

Eat what you want to eat. Be a good person, or try your absolute best. And run over Elon Musk with your car. (Editors note: …in a video game for comedy reasons and also parody.)

NEWS

I am so excited for Friday March 14th. It is our 4th annual Roast of Worcester and it will be at The White Room in Kelley Sq. It is a fundraiser for Trans Lifeline. We’ve got comedians Bryan O’Donnell, Cam Ohh, Doug Guertin, Nate Hilli and Liz Dufrense performing. Worcester residents Doug Arbetter, Molly O’Connor, Sam Mensah and Bill Shaner performing as well. It is a suggested donation, and you can reserve your spot right now. Flyer below!

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