Jazzy
To be horny or not to be horny
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-Bill
Dear Shaun,
What the fuck is jazz? Why does anyone like it? Can you get jazz away from me?
-Not Horny for Jazz
Dear Not Horny for Jazz,
Big dog, this is the exact toxic-type question I love to receive. So many times on here, people write in and play devil’s advocate to their own gripe, because “they love their partner” or whatever. You are just diving in and being ignorant and that is fucking awesome. I want you in my corner, I need a ride or die, binary thinker. Even your signature is awesome: Not Horny for Jazz. Big dog, you are rocking my whole-ass world right now.
You don’t have to like jazz. No one has to like anything. But you do have to accept that things exist. It is encouraging that, while you don’t like it, you are not going to act out. You just want it away from you. There are some, let’s call them “very online people who would like to have sex but are convinced that society has left them behind and therefore cannot”-type people and they, I think, would actively SWAT a jazz club, or bomb a horn store or whatever. You just want it out of your purview. Having a genre of music out of the way is not on my top 100 needs, but hey maybe Maslow was wrong.
It is very hard to change something that is ever present and get it out of your life. Worcester has shown this with the unhoused. They would like to fix the problem, but to a lot of those in power that just means getting it out of their purview. Hell even other cities have shown that it actually can be done in an empathetic and humane way and they would rather put up their “jazz blinders.”
My suggestion to you is constantly wear headphones. You’ll be like those idiots who think the Facebook augmented reality goggles are cool but for your ears. You wear them constantly and you can listen to whatever it is that you choose. Sure you won’t be able to get work done, have any sort of meaningful relationship or even make sure the drive-thru window has your order correct. But who cares, right? You don’t have to experience or listen to jazz.
My guess is this is referring to hearing the music, not seeing the people play it. In that case you can defy it all and go to a jazz concert but have those noise-canceling headphones in, listening to Motorhead or whatever.
This surely will alienate you and make you a less productive member of society, but you’ll have beaten jazz and that’s ultimately what you’d like it seems. Much like jazz is about the notes you don’t play, avoiding it is about the friends you don’t make.
Send any and all questions to woocomedyweek@gmail.com with the subject line "Bad Advice."
NEWS
This coming Wednesday I’ll be hosting the Pulse Music Awards at Off the Rails. Last year I just made fun of everyone and gave out a bunch of awards to some pretty cool bands. Then Friday I’ll be at Hideout Comedy in Faneuil Hall inside the White Bull Tavern. That’s always a fun time. I’ll post about this show next week too.