Lessons in love from the Int'l Players
I would argue that that “I choose you,” is directed at the self
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Dear Shaun,
Do you ever give out love or relationship advice? I am struggling with wanting to commit, yet I also don’t really like being alone. I seek companionship and love but I also like to have my space. It is hard to navigate new people with those sort of boundaries. Any advice or suggestions on how to be your own person while also giving up part of yourself to someone(s)?
-Lost in and out of Love
Dear Lost in and out of Love,
June 7th was the 18th anniversary of the release of UGK featuring Outkast’s seminal release of “Int’l Player’s Anthem (I Choose You).” It was a historic release—two kings of hip-hop in two different rap regions teaming up for dominance. This was during a time when regions really mattered. When the East Coast / West Coast beef of the 90s was still fresh in a lot of folks minds. But it was also the emergence of a more accessible internet. We started to see cities and their own specific scenes. Memphis, Houston, Atlanta, New Orleans, Detroit, Baltimore, et. al. Not only is this song a banger, but it represented a comingling of four men at the top of their game. It married Pimp C and Bun B’s stories of the street in muggy Port Arthur, TX and their expansion into their kingdom of the greater Houston area and the freak, psychedelic leanings of Andre 3000 and Big Boi.
I think all four of these men give sound advice within the four different quadrants of how to face love head on. In this short dissertation I will present to you how UGK and Outkast, while all flawed (as all men are) give us a true and definitive outlook on romance, lust and, love. These are not hard and fast laws, but four different passenger lanes that we can swerve in and out of on the highway of relationships.
The song opens with Andre 3000 rapping with no backing beat, talking about texting ex-girlfriends. He is informing them that he has found the one he loves. But he is feeling nostalgic for the women he has seen in the past. He wouldn’t be the man he is today without them and all of those women wouldn’t have lead him to the women he is with now. But as he states, “Spaceships don’t come equipped with rearview mirrors,” he can’t take off into the outer worlds with the love of his life and also keep looking back on what could have been before. Andre is telling us that while we may just be with one person, that doesn’t mean we have to shut out everyone else around us but stay focused on what you got in front of you. He pleads with us and himself to “keep your heart” and “play your part.”
Now we zoom down I-10 West into Houston and Pimp C bragging about how good he and his girl have it. They aren’t tied down, they go out seek other love but when it gets down to it, they “turn heads” in the parking lot. When they go at it he needs to wear a condom and he’s cool with that because she not just with him, and he is not just with her. Pimp C explains that he is solid and confident in the love he has. Sure, your chick will choose him and that is nobody’s fault but yours. He knows what he has, he knows what he wants and if you can’t have that same confidence then you aren’t going to be happy. Sure he can smash up a gray Bentley and then get a red one, a metaphor for having multiple lovers, but a the end of the day he’s got his one.
Bun B jumps up. He’s a lone wolf. He likes the hunt. He likes his own space and he likes to the game of talking up a girl. It’s not just the flirting and the game, but he wants to take care of them. Bun’s love language is gift giving. “A million dollar mack needs a billion dollar bitch,” is as assertive as it is complimentary as it is in service of the women in front of him. This lifestyle doesn’t exactly jive with monogamy either. When you want to keep spoiling someone, you want to start spoiling the next one and then the next one. Like he says, “it’s as easy as ABC, simple as 1-2-3.”
Big Boi wants to settle down. He wants you to know that you’re his and he is yours. But he also may not exactly be ready for that and that is okay. Life and romance is a marathon not a sprint. Sure he is talking you up and he is a fun time, but he may not exactly have the tools on his belt to keep you around. Big Boi sends big mixed messages. He wants you, but he says don’t touch. He says he won’t slip, but he says he’ll keep on tippin’. He says he’ll keep well fed, but he seems to show reservations about how much he spends on you. He doesn’t know what he wants, or better yet he hasn’t convinced himself that he’s done with his previous life and ready to move onto the next. That is okay! We all have to meet everyone where they are. We cannot change anyone, only they can decide and accept change.
These four men are Int’l Players and they represent all of us. Don’t get it twisted either: we can flip all of these roles into any gender or identity you find. It all works. Sure, some can say that the hook of “I choose you” is directed at one or many women. But I would argue that that “I choose you,” is directed at the self. You cannot love anyone else if you don’t love yourself. The four love who they are. They boast about it for over four minutes. They are telling you to love yourself and choose you.
NEWS
I am in Newport, RI tonight at The Quencher. The show is at 9PM and I am closing it out. Should be a real fun one. You can get tickets here. Then on Friday I’m at Rise and Grind Cafe in Fitchburg. I’ll be closing that out too. Show is FREE, come hang.