To the good amount of people who are new here, thanks and welcome! Worcester Sucks is an alt weekly in spirit but by other means, and Shaun has been holding down the “back of the book” for years with his weekly Bad Advice column. All paid subscriptions go to the Sisyphean task of trying to rebuild an alt-weekly in this city! —Bill
Dear Shaun,
My friends all tell my that my collection of pop culture items are a waste of time, energy and money. They say it’s the reason that I am single. They say that if I were to ever bring someone home that would be so turned off. That if there was someone who was excited about it, they continue, that person would be too much like me and not want to hook up, but rather look at and fawn over my collectibles. Could you tell them that I am comfortable with who I am and that I should keep these toys and posters?
-Pop Culture Conundrum
Dear Pop Culture Conundrum,
Who the hell are these friends? Are they all wearing letterman jackets and nestling footballs and staring at each others’ butts, repressing their homosexual tendencies? Their advice sounds straight out of a teen sex comedy. Or, are your friends mean dweebs? Are they being mean because you have a Spider-Man #300 where Venom is introduced but it is the re-issue and not and original first press? Are they saying that having this stuff is embarrassing because they aren’t impressed with your collection? Or, are your friends supportive but they just don’t think someone [insert age you are] should still be focusing on toys and comic books.
Any way you look at it, who the fuck are they to judge? You have money, I assume, from the job you work at and you can spend that money however you would like. If you had kids and you were getting Rick and Morty Funkos instead of putting food on the table that is one thing, but if you are single and buying these things make you happy then why are your dumbass friends even saying anything? I guarantee one of them bets on sports online. I guarantee one of them loves cruises. I guarantee one of them doesn’t know they are double paying for Netflix.
Sure you have a Mars Attacks movie poster framed and matted. But your buddy has the 1-800-GAMBLING pop-up each time he’s about to enter another idiotic parlay for the Braves vs. Tigers series. Sure you have a “My Neighbor Totoro” diorama that is 1/64 scale. But your friend is showing you picture of the Caribbean without telling you about the parasite they picked up after eating at the seafood buffet on Carnival. And yeah, you hired an artist to create photorealistic painting of your best-played game in Settlers of Catan, but your other friend forgot to logout at their AirBnB in Nashville and now Superhost Jeremy gets to watch Tony Hinchcliffe’s special every night on your pal’s dime.
Spend your money however you want. Sure you can’t take all of these things with you when you die. But you know who is keeping something for a while even after they’re gone your friend’s new roommate the parasite. Tell your friends that there will be a person who will not appreciate your stuff, but they will be turned on by it. Ultimately, if you are open and true to yourself as well as the world someone is going to recognize that try to keep you in the box for eternity. You’re more valuable that way.
NEWS
Next week we are back at Boland’s on Thursday September 3rd. The hilarious Tim Champa will be closing it out. I will also be hosting the Pulse Music Awards that night. It is free and I genuinely have a blast hosting it. Don’t forget, every Tuesday at Ralph’s I’m hosting the Live Forever comedy open mic. List goes out at 7:30.
Wait a minute . . . this is . . . NOT bad advice!!!
Pretty funny, Shaun. Judging stereotypes is a blast.