No Friends of Eddie Coyle

Boston's Blues

This is Issue #11 of Bad Advice! If you still don’t know what Bad Advice is or why it’s here, head to issue #1 where we explain it for the first and last time.

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Dear Shaun,

I live in Boston and I am incredibly lonely. I have friends, I’m not a loser. This is more about how cold and distinctly rude Boston can be. Public transit is tough to traverse and unreliable, all of the roads suck and are stuffed with traffic, even walking or biking is a nightmare because it seems that every public transit worker and driver hates that you decided to do that. I don’t get to see my friends often and when I do either they or I are just exhausted from getting there to see one another. I want to be able to enjoy Boston, the way others apparently do.

-Not Loving That Dirty Water

Dear Not Loving That Dirty Water,

Yeah I totally get this. I used to live in Cambridge, then Allston, then Jamaica Plain, then Brighton. I was never totally happy the whole time and I absolutely relied on public transit and bikes. Public transit always had construction or a delay and I was hit a total eight times by cars. It is stressful! Boston has changed a bunch in the 15 years since I first lived there too. A lot of the places that had character are gone and the ones that are still there are surrounded by high rise apartments and filled with trust fund BU students. A very good friend, Louie Despres, says that all new bars in Boston look like Applebee’s and he is so right.

I have this theory that the reason everyone in Boston is so mean is because they all are drinking Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffees with extra cream and extra sugar. I don’t know about you but when I drink too much sugar and dairy my tummy hurts. And when my tummy hurts and I’m unsure why I get pretty irritable. And if I keep having a hurt tummy day in and day out for decades upon decades with no solution, my guess is that is how you develop that “Bostonian charm.” Maybe I will write a book called “If You Give a Sox Fan an Iced Coffee” in the style of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”

I don’t have the perfect thing to say to you about how to stop your Boston blues. I do have a temporary fix though. I’m headlining Nick’s Comedy Stop in the Theater District in Boston this Saturday. You can buy tickets here. It should be a really great show. I have my partner-in-crime Bryan O’Donnell hosting, my partner in life Mairead Dickinson opening, a very comic from New York by way of Houston Josh Stokes featuring all before I close the whole show. It is going to be a blast and I really hope to see you there even if you have to take the Green Line to get there.

NEWS

Well you read it up there! Come see me at Nick’s Comedy Stop!

I’ll also be at Boland’s Pub in Worcester this Thursday at 8PM. I’m hosting for some very funny comics including Pause by Sam Jay’s own Jason Cordova. This show is free!

And Sunday WOOtenanny will be hosting the wonderful Dan Telfer (The Onion, Nerd Poker) headlining at That’s Entertainment on Park Ave. You can get tickets for that here.

See you next week!