Not Like Us
Why would you walk a day in a person’s shoes when you can just get a new pair for $8 at Walmart?
Dear Shaun,
Should I have liked the Super Bowl Halftime Show on Sunday? I didn’t hate it but also I don’t really get it. What should my opinion be?
-Confused About Kendrick
Dear Confused About Kendrick,
No, you should not have liked it. You should have either hated it or loved it. There is no in between. Don’t you understand that it is 2025 and there are no gray areas? The only gray that exists are the hairs being dyed by men who tell us what we can and cannot love.
If you hated it, lean into that. Put on your Kirkland brand sunglasses, put down your Cici’s Pizza or KFC Bowl, boot up your computer from the last time you almost got caught looking at porn by your mom or partner or both, take a sip out of your Bud Light that you still drink but have to drink quickly because you shot at it because Kid Rock told you to once, and start typing about your opinion.
I know that writing is not your thing. So you are brave for even putting these words into your preferred social media app. Make sure you are as vague as possible about why you didn’t like it. Also definitely toe the line into racism, even if it is accidental! (Bonus points if you say the phrase “I’m not racist.”)
Make sure to say you don’t care about the rap beef. It is important to us all to know that you really didn’t watch it, and formed an opinion before the performance even happened. Also, make sure to insist you like rap, just not this kind of rap. I would definitely hit on the fact that it was just him walking around and saying things in the mic that you can’t understand. Don’t say you don’t understand everything! Just say you couldn’t hear his words and therefore it was bad.
Now this was at a football game so you can’t say “shut up and dribble,” but as some pushback on the socio-political themes that you may have thought to have caught you could try “shut up and rap.” Does it make sense? No. But it will definitely get a rise out of your gay commie nephew who is always taking you to task.
Is your nephew gay and communist? Probably not. But you just assumed they won’t come out to you because you never opened the door to be compassionate enough to care about someone of your own flesh blood and what they think and care about. You are too scared of the world being different, and too uncomfortable being told you can’t do or say something without even thinking about the ramifications of what that person feels or thinks. You are too wrapped up in yourself and your interests (which are few, but very cool) and don’t want to take the time to see it from someone else’s lens. Why would you walk a day in a person’s shoes when you can just get a new pair for $8 at Walmart?
If you loved it, I’m sorry. Who would have thought that with our splintered culture now, you would have to hide the fact or feel some sort of way other than elation for liking a piece of art? Who would have thought that in a world where furries and Theo Von can both exist and if one doesn’t want to interact with the other they don’t have to. But just because you said that was cool, your uncle is telling your dad to tell you to shut up.
Should you like it? Yeah I guess you can like it. You can also not like it. Not everything is for everyone. There’s that guy who still hates Bob Dylan even if most of the country doesn’t care who Bob Dylan is. I don’t want to have to tell you to like or not like anything. Except this Substack of course. (Insert your pitch here, Bill.)
Okie dokie! Bad Advice is made possible by Worcester Sucks paid subscriptions, tips and merch orders! Any of the three would be a big help.
NEWS
This week is our big Valentine’s Day special at George’s Coney Island. It will be romantic, it will have a special drink and food menu and it will be very funny. Come on out this Friday at 8 p.m. The show is free! Here is the flyer:
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