Ser o No Ser
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-Bill
Dear Shaun,
My partner has taken up Duolingo (it is an app that helps you learn a new language) and has really become attached to it. They never took a foreign language in high school and decided to do it in their 30s. I however am fine with not learning a new language. Yet I have to hear my partner try and guilt me often with the prospect of us talking in Spanish. I say, “no gracias.” Do you have any advice as to what I should do to get my partner to stop trying to get me to learn a new language? I just want to continue to be the dumb English speaker I am.
-No Habla Espanol
Dear No Habla Espanol,
This makes sense to me. I don’t find this close-minded or ignorant as some of our readers may see it. It’s not that you are against those who speak Spanish. You just don’t want the people you love to speak it near you or at you. There is a power dynamic in every relationship. The struggle is the balance you must keep with that power. I’m sure, even if it is subconsciously, that if your partner gets too good at the new language they will have the upper hand in someway.
As someone who took Spanish since they were in kindergarten and still talks like a preschooler when it comes to Spanish, I empathize. My wife is pretty fluent. My son is in a Spanish-speaking daycare and understands way more than me. I know how to colloquially talk to high school Dominican and Puerto Rican baseball players about baseball and their manhood. That is the extent of my knowledge. It doesn’t help if I need to talk to the daycare provider, I can’t make fun of the fact that they only eat platanos and that is why they are weak. It really doesn’t help.
My suggestion to you is try and learn a different language on Duolingo. Sure, this goes against your whole premise of just wanting to be an English speaker. But hear me out. If you start learning Haitian-Creole or German or whatever and you start to give your partner a taste of their own medicine, they will either stop or switch over to you. You will make them abandon their life project for you. COMPLETELY SWITCHING THE POWER DYNAMIC. That’s what this is all about. You getting the upper hand. Bon Chans!
Send any and all questions to woocomedyweek@gmail.com with the subject line "Bad Advice."
NEWS
I have the week off this week. I deserve it. I will be going to the matinee of Monster Trucks at the DCU with my son if you want to see me. But next week you got to come out to Ralph’s to see Will Smalley, Josh Stokes, Brandon Pires, Nate Hilli, and Zoe Goodman. This show is going to be very fun and you can get tickets here and at the door.
