Spend the $609 to go to a World Cup game
The money's going to a great organization for a great cause
Consider before you take Shaun’s advice that $609 is like… ummmmm…. eight? Eight. Right?Eight-ish… or nine yearly subscriptions to Worcester Sucks. That’s eight or nine or perhaps seven years of supporting your local digital alt weekly or one night of supporting sex trafficking—your call.
Also if you are new here, Worcester Sucks has a bunch of regular columns, this one included, and on the settings page you can pick and choose which you receive in your inbox. —Bill
Dear Shaun,
The World Cup is fast approaching and I really want to go to a match. I am a huge soccer fan, I am originally from Portugal and cannot wait to root for them. They are playing in Houston and I don’t think I could afford a plane ticket and a hotel room and a ticket to the actual game. If you add on food and a beer or two I’d be financially ruined. But I could watch Scotland or Ghana play here in Foxborough. Sure, train tickets are astronomical and driving and parking could be an all-day affair, but I really want to experience a World Cup game in my backyard! It is still expensive, but not as much as getting down to Houston. Should I go for it?
-Futebol Frenzied
Dear Futebol Frenzied,
You have to go. Of course you have to go. As a soccer fan (yes, soccer) you have already blurred or even deleted your morals. Owners of the club teams help support human trafficking, enslavement, wage gouging, terrorism, and tax evasion. Sure, these aren’t club teams, these are countries but these countries have also committed atrocities (America, ahem, ahem). Then there is the whole FIFA of it all. We don’t have to delve into the graft, corruption, and racketeering that goes on in the world federation organizing this event you so desperately want to give your hard earned money to, but FIFA ain’t exactly hitting their mission statement “…touch, unite, and inspire the world.” Touch and unite sure, you can’t escape FIFA and World Cup ads, unite as well, collectively the entire globe hates their guts.
I just checked the resale site at FIFA and the cheapest tickets in Boston are going for $609 dollars. That is 609 items at The Dollar Store. That’s 609 scratch tickets. That’s 609 coffees at Cumberland Farms. Of course that is a lot of money and all of those things I just mentioned may give you pause on shelling out for Iraq v. Norway. But think about all of the stupid rich people you can be rude to there. All of the morons who are drunk and not actual soccer fans. All of those assholes who are there to just take a picture for social media. You could be there too, watching the beautiful game, and “accidentally” bumping into trust fund and crypto bros. Make sure, no matter where your seats are, to sit near the country supporters. Sit with the Iraqis or Norwegians, they are there for the love of it and not for the internet clout. Grab a vuvuzela. Wave that country’s flag.
As far as being able to pay for it? Just Klarna it. Pay for this over time. And if you start to miss the payments? Who cares! The economy is going to tank soon. Your mere hundreds of dollars ain’t close to the billions that are going to crater large financial systems. I truly believe that when we go into another depression, Klarna’s reps will be in jail and the bank CEOs head’s will be on spikes. So yeah, your $609 to watch an incredible global sporting experience and bully rich chuds are just a drop in the vast financial expanse.
So blow your horn, paint your face, and chant “ole” to your heart’s desire. Even better convince everyone outside at the “Fan Zone” to storm the place. It will just be Foxborough cops who are so mad that, in their words, “Soccer queers” are playing on Tom Brady’s field. They’re going to be on their phones either fighting with their wives or ignoring their kids. So go in and take over the stadium, you won’t owe them anything.
NEWS
This Saturday is going to a blast. We have a multimedia story show at Hunchback Gallery. Comedians will be telling stories and using a PowerPoint presentation to send the message home in a very funny way. The show is free and you really aren’t going to want to miss it.
Thursday I’ll be at FreePlay doing a live D and D show. It is called Let’s Not Die and it starts at 8PM. You can buy tickets here!
