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The Worcester Defense
And a new motto to boot!
This is Issue #8 of Shaun’ Bad Advice of a new series on this platform. For more on what Bad Advice is and why it’s in Worcester Sucks now, head to issue #1. This column as well as the overall Worcester Sucks publication are sustained exclusively by reader contributions. Please consider a paid subscription!
I’m a big fan of Worcester. I feel like I have the plague of most Worcesterites who find themselves defending it whenever it comes up now matter their current situation or hardship that they’ve been in recently. Worcester has little sibling syndrome and always says “nuh-uh” when someone has something bad to say about it. Am I right to be defending it? The older I get the more jaded I am about this city. Is there a better thing to do than just stick my neck out for a city that refuses to love me back?
- Seven Hills Slog
Dear Seven Hills Slog,
Hey! I too am a big fan of Worcester, right on. I totally get it, this letter is so spot on it’s laughable. You wrote into the advice column of a newsletter called Worcester Sucks and I Love It. I’m sure a lot of folks who read this have the same sentiment, you were just the one to write in.
Little sibling syndrome is right. “Hey we have baseball too!” “Hey we have a Catholic stranglehold on our politics too!” “Hey we have Joyner Lucas too!” etc., etc. But the defending things is part of it too, right? We talk about all of the inventions (the pill, barbed wire, monkey wrench, the Valentine), we talk about the events (Tornado, 1st Perfect Game, Jose Canseco) we talk about the people who are from here (Abbie Hoffman, Major Taylor, H. Jon Benjamin), and we talk about the things that are already here (Worcester Art Museum, Turtle Boy, Jose Canseco’s cocktail napkins with his number on them to hit on underage waitresses). Everyone has this experience. I think it is good! It is way better than other people from other small cities who say, “oh you’ve never heard of it.” Where does that get you?
I went to a state college and one thing I noticed when I would meet people, we’d always ask, “where are you from?” Most were from the South Shore, but sometimes people would answer Worcester. Then I would perk up and ask them, “oh yeah what part?” I would be excited about the prospect of a new friend from my homestead! Well those people were lying! They were from Oxford, Sterling, one was even from Springfield! Worcester is cool, and the reason Worcester is cool is because no one wants to admit it.
Worcester is a lot like that pop song that “nobody likes” but everyone knows every word to. Worcester is “MMMBop” (Ironically Isaac of the band Hanson who performed that song wen to Holy Cross (which I don’t consider Worcester because those on campus don’t either unless they want street cred)). Worcester is “Tubthumping,” Worcester is “Who Let the Dogs Out”. We are cool and in people’s heads and can’t escape. Publicly derided, privately enjoyed.
I fact that’s what our new motto should be, let’s just call it like it is. Could someone please petition the city council to rename out city motto? It is currently “Heart of the Commonwealth” let’s get it changed to “Publicly Derided, Privately Enjoyed.” Thanks for your help everyone!
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This week we have a very special kick off show to The Worcester Hot Dog Safari. I have hosted a show for 6 years now called Hot Dog! The gist of the show is comedians spin a wheel, and that is how they find out what their set is. It is a real bonkers show and we are having it at George’s Coney Island Hot Dogs on Southbridge St. We’ll be featuring some great comedians including Boston Meme Specialist and writer at The Hard Times, Dicky Stock. The show is Friday 8/18 at 8PM. You can get there at 7 to pick up your Safari gear early as well. THE HOT DOG SAFARI IS 8/19 AT 11AM AT RALPH’S!
See you out and about!