The world keeps on zyn-ing
Should I quit smoking?
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Dear Shaun,
Should I quit smoking? It is just so good.
- Zyn Curious
Dear Zyn Curious,
As someone who did not smoke until they were 36 years old and bought a pack on a whim after his dad died this inquiry will be a tough one to answer. Is smoking bad? Obviously. Most of the things we do in our American life are bad though. There just happens to be a bunch of studies and PSAs of robot sounding victims to show us that it is bad. There is no definitive scientific proof that major companies dumping their waste into the water leads to members of a nearby community developing ALS and other death sentence diseases, but we kind of know that’s true right? We know that paying our taxes are toxic. Yes, it does help fund education and helps pave the roads. But federal taxes lead to bombs in Gaza. Hell some of us like to drink and that is legalized poison. Alcohol ain’t doing any of us any favors.
You signed this Zyn Curious and I want to address that. Some folks may not know what Zyn is. I do, because every other stand up comic in the New England area has a tin on them at all times. Coke is out of fashion plus everyone is cutting it with things that will kill you. Also, so many more comics are sober and avoiding alcohol and other drugs, and they convince themselves that being hyper addicted to nicotine is okay. So packets of Zyn are everywhere in Greater New England clubs and dive bars, instead of white powder residue in bathroom stalls, there are little addiction pillows in the urinal.
I say: anything in moderation. That is, if moderation is possible. I say I “took up smoking” and what I mean is I have 3-8 cigarettes a week. They help me when I’m stressed out, they help me strike up new conversations with weirdos, they also stop people from having a conversation with me. They also make me look so cool. If you don’t think I look cool smoking a cigarette I would ask you to go tattle on me to teacher.
Should you quit smoking and take up Zyn? Sure. Smoking is not healthy but Dorito dust ain’t it either, pal. I wonder if they could figure out a Dorito dust release button like they figured out for Camel Menthol Crushes? That would be such a tasty cig. I say yes quit smoking until they figure out that technology. And the world keeps on Zyn-ing.
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NEWS
This Friday I will be at The Rose Room in Webster. I’m hosting the show and there are some great comics on the show as well. You can get tickets at the door.
Had a huge crowd at this past Live Forever Open Mic at Ralph’s. Thanks to all who came out!