Time for some Tool Time
Do your own home improvements, let the haze of frustration and ire settle in
Bad Advice is just as good after dark and just as fine a reason to consider supporting this little digital alt weekly that keeps on chugging along. All aboard the Worcester Sucks Express—choo choo! Kids’ seats just five bucks!
Only three Bad Brains shirts left in the merch store. Can we offload them before I go to my sister’s wedding tomorrow? Offer you can’t refuse, right there. —Bill
Dear Shaun,
My wife and I are looking to do some renovations around the house but I don’t want to hire someone to do it. My wife thinks it completely reasonable to hire someone whose job it is to do these sorts of things. I think it would be a fun bonding moment for our family and that we’d be prouder of the finished product if we did it ourselves. Plus I think we will save money, as we won’t have to pay for labor. What do you think?
-Hopeless Handyman
Dear Hopeless Handyman,
Summer of 2024, I built my own fence in my backyard. When I had the free time it was in the middle of an absolute spanker of a heat wave. I’m talking 90 plus degree days with 90 percent humidity. I ended up fencing 108 feet of the yard. And of course I had to double down on my hardheadedness and did everything manually. So that meant I didn’t use an auger, I used a post hole digger and I didn’t use an electric saw, I cut everything with a hand saw. Yeah, that’s right: 12 foot long 4X4 posts cut in half. And it’s New England, so you know that yard is grassy as hell. My son was three at the time and wanted to help. So you know he was just putting dirt back into the holes that I’d painstakingly dug. And he was really getting into baseball, so you now he was throwing rocks into the street.
The idea that you have, that you’ll feel more pride in a finished handmade product, rings true. I love telling people I built the fence. I love looking at it, climbing it, leaning on it; relying on the strength. It feels good to make things with your hands and it feels even better to marvel at your hard work. However, the idea that it’ll lead to any sort of bonding, I’m not sure. Many a day was I grumpy and short with my family. Many a day did my wife doubt my ability to even do this in the first place. It was a truly a grueling and painful process. And for what? To save $9,000? To quote Don Draper, “that’s what the money is for!” My blood, sweat, and tears are worth that amount, maybe even more.
I say you do it. I am currently having some work done in my kitchen and as I watch the contractor, I’m like “I can do that.” Does he have all the tools that I don’t have to complete this? Yes. Does he have actual machines to get the job done faster and more efficiently? Totally. Does he have more experience and can zig and zag on the fly when hiccups come about? Time will tell. I just know that right now, I can rip wood with a crowbar off the wall and vacuum the mess up afterwards. This is what we’re spending out savings on?
Our kitchen is going to look amazing. He’s going to do amazing work. I have seen the other work he has done and it is beyond my ability and skillset. But what if it looked a little more wonky, and I did it? Every morning as I go to make coffee I could look at that unlevel frame and know I did it, reminding me that as I was nailing it into place I was screaming about how someone needs to get the dogs the fuck out of there. Wholesome.
I absolutely believe in my heart of hearts that you are going to do a bad job with whatever it is you’re thinking about doing in your house. Especially if electricity, plumbing, or basic carpentry is involved. I am also convinced that you and your family will begin to resent or be straight up furious with each other over the finished product. You or a family member may start to do some passive aggressive acts in response to the friction that existed on the job site. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink, not putting the toilet seat down, or just sniffling instead of blowing your nose—just to get on the nerves of those you love and care about. There will be a haze of frustration and ire that will settle in each room. You’ll find yourself no longer laughing at the comedy TV program you as a unit love, you’ll be eating your meals in silence, and even if you all kiss and make up there will be that faded shadow on your relationship for the rest of your time together and beyond. And isn’t that what life is worth living for? Good luck building!
NEWS
Tonight WOOtenanny is hosting a stand up comedy fundraiser for Jermoh Kamara at Noamesco. It starts at 6 and we have some great Worcester comedians on the show.
This Friday, I will be hosting the first ever Woostock at Off the Rails. There are four great bands playing, Between the Waves, Colt and the Coyotes, Miss Fairchild, and Friends of Coop. There will be food and beer. There will be vendors. There may be an alpaca there? I will be telling jokes and and hosting contests in between bands. It is outdoors, so come enjoy one of the last nice nights until we hunker down this winter.
Finally, on SundayWOOtenanny is keeping the tradition alive by screening Hubie Halloween at Hunchback Gallery. Movie starts at 7. We will have running commentary, and games to play as we enjoy one of the best and most confounding films related to Halloween. Posters for all events below!
