Tips for a New Era
The blending of days really helps you forget where and when you are in time
Bad Advice is a Worcester Sucks column and comes courtesy our paid subscribers. Please consider throwing us a few bones if you’re a fan!
Dear Shaun,
I was wondering if you had any tips on how not only get through the inauguration, but also these next four years (hopefully that’s it, haha!)
-Politically Powerless
Dear Politically Powerless,
What are you talking about? There is a new dawn upon us! America will be made anew. It will have gold toilets, a new Gulf, a canal through which we can ship more gold toilets, and even an island that is green and not a mostly icy wasteland. We will dehumanize folks at every turn and make things that white people are uncomfortable with illegal. We will have more guns to keep class sizes smaller, since we have a shortage of teachers. “I’m Proud to be an American” by Lee Greenwood will be our new national anthem and Greenwood our new poet laureate. We will continue to give aid to an ally to continue their great elimination and we will French kiss (editor’s note: Freedom kiss?) every dictator we can get our eyes on like it’s 1:45 a.m. at your favorite college bar.
Okay, yeah. Here are some tips on how to stay cool in the next regime:
Start a Cult!
No better time to be in charge of people, get tax dispensations, and all the sex you want! Sure, it will sour over time, but what experiment doesn’t? You miss every shot you don’t take or whatever.
Depression Naps
You may already be doing this, but good on you. Take a nap whenever you damn well please. The blending of days really helps you forget where and when you are in time.
Be a Character
I don’t mean like the feedback I used to get from every elementary school teacher I ever had, I mean like Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball or JD Vance from the White House. Completely disassociate and be in the world that you created. That way when Elon Musk’s neural chips become mandatory, your warped brain can fight back.
Run for Office in Your Community
Change starts at a local level! Trust me, you won’t regret this. Every city councilor in this city is very happy with their standing in the community.
Hide
They’ll get bored soon and find someone new to hate.
Send any and all questions to woocomedyweek@gmail.com with the subject line "Bad Advice."
NEWS
I delayed writing this one for the timing of the beginning of the end. If you want a little escapism next week you can always find me at the Ralph’s Open Mic every single Tuesday forever. Then Friday the 24th I’ll be at Deep Cuts in Medford at 8 p.m., and The Comedy Studio in Cambridge at 10 p.m. And on Saturday I’m doing Don’t Tell Providence and the Dugout Cafe at 9 p.m. Busy busy! Ticket links are right there, babes.
Don’t forget as well we have Hot Dog! at Coney Island Hot Dogs on January 31. Show is at 8 and it is FREE. Poster below.
Every paid subscriber helps us keep this outlet alive and well as we head into the nightmare times. It’s a beer a month! And it helps us out almost as much as the actual beer would.
There’s also some cool stuff up on the Merch store! That helps too.
Thanks and take care. —Bill
