What, you think you're better than me?
Want to fight back against these fucking fascist pigs? Have dinner with your neighbor
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Dear Shaun,
My neighbor is always shoveling my sidewalk before I get the chance. I’m not exactly mad but we don’t really have a relationship where we do things for each other. Does he think he’s better than me? What can I do to thank him? Am I going stir crazy this winter?
-Sullen Sidewalker
Dear Sullen Sidewalker,
Are we so divided that we are now offended when our fellow man helps us? This is so Massachusetts-coded it gives my head a Dunkin’ iced coffee brain freeze. Why not thank the man? Why not drop off a gift card?
What is the alternative here? To fight him? Yeah, that’s what you should do. Knock on his door and offer to kick his ass. How dare this guy do a nice thing for you. I am incensed for you. You know what? Dox him. Please. Let me know his address. I personally want to S.W.A.T. him. Yeah that’s right, I never call the cops but when I do it’s to have a gang of marauders legally bust through an innocent man’s home. It only seems right. This guy cleared your sidewalk when you weren’t around or awake yet. This guy took a little of the load off your list of things to do.
Rugged individualism is an insane way to behave. First, because no one does anything on their own. It is impossible. Even if you were to, say, build your own house. You need supplies, like nails. Those nails had to be manufactured by someone in a miserable factory and then, someone sold them to you. You are not an island. You are, if anything, an atoll. And the more you complain, the more you are taking A TOLL on all of us (bad dum bum).
Listen, maybe this guy’s love language is acts of service. Maybe he doesn’t have the social tools to vocalize that he wants to be your friend and hang out so he is doing a favor to get the ball rolling. Well, friend, the ball has rolled into your court. Grab a beer, suggest a video game, play some cards or have his family over for dinner.
Call me crazy, and you should, but we are getting more and more siloed. I can see it. AND THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT. Want to fight back against these fucking fascist pigs? Have dinner with your neighbor. Radical, right? But the closer we all get together as a community the harder the job these fuckos will have to herd us sheep. You don’t have to agree with everything your very considerate neighbor thinks about, but you can acknowledge that he did a nice thing and the least you can do is hang with him for an hour or two.
I don’t know, man. A woman was shot in cold blood in Minneapolis by federal agents. I’m finding it hard to be funny. I don’t know you, but I love you. Stay vigilant.
NEWS
Speaking of staying funny! I am in Portland, ME tonight at Root Wild Kombucha. For tickets you can purchase them here.
This month WOOtenanny has some fun shows. We have Hot Dog! on the 16th where we will be showcasing our newest Hot Dog in Residence, Caroline Moore. That show is as always free.
Then on the 31st we have the hilarious Matt Shore at Hunchback Gallery. Matt mixes comedy and music in such an electric way, we think you’re really going to love this show. Grab your tix here!