This little alt-weekly-that-could would have a much easier time of it with a couple little $5 treats! —Bill
Dear Shaun,
I work from home. I barely know my coworkers. I interact with them primarily on Zoom. Do I have to show my face in meetings? My boss and other supervisors “strongly suggest” we have our face on during these meetings. I just don’t want to do it. Sometimes I am in a meeting and I just don’t want to look like I am paying attention. Sometimes I am playing a video game because I am not even expected to talk in the meeting. Sometimes I am hungover and I am working in bed. Do I have to turn my screen on for a Zoom?
-Skeptical Screen User
Dear Skeptical Screen User,
Show yourself! If they can’t take you at your comfiest, than they don’t deserve you at your Zoom-fiest! (Give me some grace, tech names are already made to be cute and weird (also Zoom doesn’t even do what the name does! It is just video and chat, and within that video you can’t zoom in or out! There isn’t a sound effect of a “zoom” when you use it. Nothing.))
You must be present on Zoom. If you weren’t working from home, you’d be in the office, in some conference room. There, your coworkers could see you roll your eyes, yawn, play Connections on your phone, or even nod off. They should be allowed that privilege online as well.
If you are laying down playing “The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom” not only should you show them your weird faces when you are fighting, you should inform them of your progress in the game. Are you on the Sky Islands? Or you in the Depths? Did you build an airplane yet?
If you got in a bar fight the night before, show them that black eye. There is no shame. They did not hire you for your interpersonal skills, they hired you for your backend B2B skills. If you are hungover, lay down with a cartoonish ice pack on your head while you gulp Gatorade. If they don’t like seeing you like that, then maybe they should call less meetings. There is a reason there is a meme about how meetings could have been emails. Most Zoom meetings don’t need to happen.
Don’t pull a Jeffrey Toobin of course. But hey, if you do you may get hired by the New York Times and CNN! I’m just saying we are all human beings and we are all allowed grace, unless you’re pulling your pud in front of your colleagues.
If this is a self-confidence thing, I get it. The way the screen stretches our face is unnerving. It looks as though we live on a different planet, but not like Mars where you’d be roughly 60 pounds less, you actually look like we live on a White Dwarf Star where our weight would be over 240 million pounds.
Isn’t it eerie that when you go to make eye contact with the person you are talking to on Zoom it just looks like you are looking away from them? The only way to make eye contact on Zoom is to look down the camera, which is the window to the computer’s soul. If you stare long enough, it’s rumored an AI can steal all the memories from you that haven’t yet been uploaded to Al Gore’s internet.
Part of existing is also being seen. Make people acknowledge you, warts and yoga pants and all.
NEWS
This Thursday I am on a Roast Battle at The Rockwell in Somerville, MA. I am roasting the very funny Tyler Swain and he will be roasting me. It should be a great time with some other very funny comedians. It is also hosted by Hot Dog in Residence, Logan O’Brien. Get tickets here.
This weekend we are hosting the first ever Portland, Maine Hotdog Safari. All of the proceeds go to The Locker Project, which helps feed families throughout the state. On Friday we are kicking off the Safari with a special outdoor performance of our show Hot Dog! at The Thirsty Pig. The wheel starts spinning at 7:30 and we have some amazing Portland-based comedians to perform.
The Safari itself is on Saturday September 13th. People can meet up at Allagash Brewery at 11AM to pick up their scorecards and merchandise and then they meet up at 6 at The Thirsty Pig to crown the winner! For more information, visit thehotdogsafari.org or @PortlandMaineHotDogSafari on Instagram.
