Bad Advice is a Worcester Sucks production! Here’s a little deal to get you over the supporting local journalism finish line.
Dear Shaun,
I really believe in my heart of hearts that my friend should sing “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell. I have had heard him sing this song twice. One time while cooking dinner and then another when it came on the radio on a road trip. They crush it. He says that he can’t sing, and I say that is kind of the charm of karaoke! Can you please convince him that it is a good idea and the next time we got out to karaoke that he sing, and sing Rockwell’s seminal work?
-Singing Savior
Dear Singing Savior,
I love karaoke. The Hot Dog Safari Crew regularly hit up karaoke, either just because or as a way to unwind post-event. While we have fun, the rest of the patrons that night have a binary reaction. They are either on board with the freaks who just showed and embrace the weird that is about to happen for the next three hours, or they are very mad that they have to hear me scream sing “Livin’ La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin. They just want to sing “Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston with perfect pitch because they used to be the solo singer in high school chorus or played Sandra Dee in Grease at their community theatre. And we kind of dampen that mood, because we are mongrels selling each song with toddler confidence.
Your friend does a good job singing Rockwell’s song. That’s great for him. If he regularly sings karaoke with you and is too scared to sing that one, I say he’s dumb and should just do it. What are you afraid of? Most people just won’t make eye contact with you, which at a karaoke bar can be one of the objectives. If he doesn’t regularly sing karaoke, why would you put him through that humiliation ritual? This person may just like singing in their car or while they cook. You don’t have to push him into a room to perform a song in front of drunken strangers.
Think about the types of people that go to karaoke. There’s the cowboy: the guy who dresses like a cowboy and sings in a drawl and brings the house down when he sing “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, but then he talks to your friend a little too long about how he feels lonely or how he lost everything in the divorce. There’s the person I mentioned before who is a really good singer and kind of makes you question why you’re even out that night to sing. These people are good and it is annoying. Then there are the two friends who think they know every word to “Mesmerize” by Ja Rule and Ashanti but they don’t and they just laugh into the mic. There’s the guy who does know every word to any Shaggy song and him doing the voice makes you feel weird. These are all people that should be embraced, but kept at a distance. And now you want to throw your innocent friend into this mix?
I get it, this is more of a plea to get your friend to share an experience with you. You like karaoke, and this friend has expressed his doubts about participating. So, you found a song that would make him feel comfortable to sing and therefore you can enjoy a night out together. You know what I say? Just ask him out. It doesn’t have to be karaoke. It can just be dinner. I don’t know your relationship status, but just based off this question I can tell you’re into him. You know what? I’ll pay for that dinner. You tell me where you’re going and I’ll call ahead and pay. Heck, maybe I’ll even show up to and sit at another table and witness my matchmaking. As you are dining and talking and realizing that spending time with each other was the real reason for any of the karaoke business, you may feel my eyes. You can’t exactly tell where I am but you can feel my stare. Maybe, you’ll say to yourself or to your friend it feels like somebody’s watching me. You’re welcome for dinner, now get the chocolate lava cake.
NEWS
Saturday is a big night in Worcester. At 8 p.m. we have The Roast of Worcester at The White Room. It is a fundraiser for LUCE Massachusetts. Bill, my boss here, will be on it as well as Bryan O’Donnell, Molly O’Connor, Yawlito, Vi, Nate Hilli, Doug Guertin, and the prodigal son Paul Henry. Donate whatever you can and come hang at one of the most fun shows we put on each year.
When that show ends you got to go to Ralph’s. Caregiver is having a record release party. You may remember a good friend of ours Isaac died last year, and Caregiver is his band. This show is going to be wild and cathartic and you should definitely go and support a great Worcester band.
