Back to school tips & tricks

Bring your collection of Playboys in

If you find yourself thinking what would I do without the absolutely horrible advice Shaun gives to me and occasionally to my children here in this newsletter every week think about throwing us a few bones to keep it going!

There is also some Shaun Connolly merch up in the store as Shaun will explain! —Bill

---

Dear Shaun,

My family has recently moved to Worcester and I now have two kids going to Worcester Public Schools. I was wondering if you had any advice for us and for our two children. One is going to 5th grade and the other is starting middle school.

- New School, New Me

Dear New School, New Me,

As a graduate of Worcester Public Schools and a former educator for nearly a decade, this time of year always gets me. The air starts to crisp a little bit, the sun starts setting a little sooner, the morning feels like a new year every day. Everyone is wearing their favorite or new outfits. Shoes aren’t scuffed, haircut is in just the right place, braids are lined perfectly, and whether it is psychosomatic or not, you feel different.

I can attest that as a teacher, I would have similar first day jitters to those I felt as a student. There was a different pang of regret or melancholy than earlier in my life. As a student it was summer ending, work was starting, and a new routine had begun. As a teacher it was summer ending, work was starting, and I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HAVE TO FUCKING GRADE ALREADY. Even though it was I who put the syllabus together and got it approved and was satisfied with handing it to my 160 students.

I have 5 tips for you and your family. The first three are for the kids, and the last two are for the parents. I would ask that you don’t read the first three and that the students don’t read the last two. You both will be able to maintain a symbiosis in the household and survive the coming year with harmony.

1. On the first day, find the biggest kid in class and punch them. I know this is a hack prison joke that gets thrown around all the time, but it can work to your advantage in a school setting. You’ll be branded as the kid who fought someone on the first day. You’ll still be given a second chance because it’s only the first day. Everyone will look at your differently, interact with you at a distance. When, in the end, you show yourself to be competent, smart, caring and loveable, the reaction to your progress will be elation! You’ll be a product of WPS and teachers and administrators alike will beam about as they marvel at your improvement. Also, everyone will remember that time you punched someone out of nowhere on the first day and that respect will follow you for the rest of your life.

2. Homework can always be late. I know technically that is not true. But, a standard for teaching in Worcester (whether you like this or not) is that the teacher has to show their admins and above that their students are making progress. So yeah you didn’t get the assignment in, but the teachers can’t start failing you all. If they did, that would show that they’re not doing their job. They’re not proving you and your classmates are making progress. Your teacher cannot fail you all. Come to an agreement with your peers: get it done when you can get it done. Too much is expected of you nowadays.

3. Get involved. All extracurriculars are yours for the taking. Play a sport, do the play, run for student government, play in a band, or volunteer at a school-sponsored event. The more you get involved, the more you’ll be needed outside of the classroom, the more you’ll need extra time to catch up on work (see Tip 2). All schooling is obviously about learning, academically. But, it is also about learning the skills need to traverse through society. If you’re involved in all of these things you are going to be more social, more organized and more willing to jump into new situations. The last two sentences were for your parents, if they were cheating and reading your part. This last sentence is for you: “Getting involved” gives you an excuse to not be in class and hang with your friends. Go do it.

4. Get involved in the PTA. Be active. You don’t have to run it, you don’t even have to go every week. But get in there and get your voice heard. They want to ban books in the library? Bring your collection of Playboys in. They want to have an option for sex education? Bring your collection of Playboys in. They want to have you stop coming to PTA meetings? Sell your collection of Playboys outside the school.

5. Read Aislinn Doyle’s Column. Of course this is a shameless plug, but also she is so knowledgeable and pays attention. While you’re selling your collection of Playboys outside the school and business is slow you can read her column and catch up on budgets and policy. Her column is a resource, tap in.

Good luck in school everyone! I can’t say I really miss it, but I do feel nostalgic for it. My son starts kindergarten, so you can find me and my magazines at my car outside his school starting next week!

NEWS

This Friday I am at the world famous Comedy Studio in Harvard Sq. You can find tickets here.

Also! I still have some Pope shirts and candles available for sale. You can order them on the Worcester Sucks merch store or you can email woocomedyweek@gmail.com or hit me up on Instagram @sirshaunconnolly. Shirts are $15 and candles are $5. They are pictured below.