You know what would be really scary? This outlet continuing to exist. [Holds flashlight under a $5 bill]. BOO. —Bill
Dear Shaun,
I know last year you gave some costume ideas based on your favorite ones from years past. I am having a hard time coming up with a costume this year and have a couple of parties I have to go to. I will take nostalgic, classic, topical or even punny. And help would be greatly appreciated.
-Halloween Hang-Up
Dear Halloween Hang-Up,
Oh I thought you readers would never ask! Of course I have costume ideas! There are a ton that my wife has already shot down, either because it is not a couples idea, our son is left out or they are too edgy. I love this time of year. The crackling of the dried leaves, the warm days and freezing nights, the bickering with my wife over whether to take the A/C units out of the window, the choice of what candy you want at your house when trick or treaters don’t go to your door, decorating your dwelling space with pumpkins and ghosts, and of course watching the scariest movies you can think of like my personal favorites “The Act of Killing” or “Under Wraps.”
But yes, costumes are just another one of the magical things for this season. Here are my five costume ideas for this year:
Government Shutdown- This can go a bunch of different ways depending on how creative you are. You can wear a sweatsuit and glue a bunch of light switches. You can papier-mâché a giant light switch with a bold “Government” above it. You can even dress as a Park Ranger with a “Will Work For Food” sign. Get creative!
Benicio del Toro’s Character from One Battle After Another- Dress like the Sensei and have “a few small beers.”
My Dad- The classic sheet that plays as a ghost costume and a “Hello My Name Is” sticker that says Tim Connolly. Let me know that you’re doing it and I’ll come over, just want to hang with my dad one last time.
Love Island- This is your excuse to dress slutty and act dumb. Bonus points if you stay in character and speak in a British accent. ALT. Superglue some barbies and shot glasses on a sweatshirt that is painted to look like a painting.
The Epstein Files- Say you’re going to come to the party, like just talk it up for years about how you’re going to be there and you’ll be bringing your favorite punch. Tell people who aren’t even going to be at the party or were invited that you’re going to be at that party. Go on podcasts, TV, and speak at large gatherings about how your presence will be felt at this party. Text your friend five minutes before the party is supposed to start and tell them that you are going to be so much fun and they better get more ice for that punch you made. Then, just don’t go. Don’t respond to the calls and texts you get at first. Then answer those messages but deny that you were even going to go. When your friends show you screenshots of you saying that you’re going to go, say you don’t know what they’re talking about. Eventually call into question whether your friend is even throwing a party. Then just sit at home and blissfully await your entrance into hell.
Have fun and stay safe this Halloween! Email me your costumes whether you took my advice or not at woocomedyweek@gmail.com!
NEWS
Friday is the Halloween Edition of Hot Dog! at George’s Coney Island Hot Dogs. The show is free and one of the most fun things you get to watch in Worcester. We have a great lineup and Coney Island has the best dogs and coldest drinks around. Come on out and get weird with us!
