If Shaun’s column makes you chuckle you have to take out a paid subscription them’s the rules. —Bill
Dear Shaun,
I think it is now safer than ever to hitchhike. I want to start doing it, but my loved ones are pleading with me to not take the risk. They all say that I should just call them if I need a ride. But in the age of the screen, I think this would be a very fun way to meet new people! Please tell me I can start hitchhiking!
-Hitchhike Hero
Dear Hitchhike Hero,
Of course you need to hitchhike. This column is called “Bad Advice,” if anyone is going to tell you to put your thumb or leg out to request a ride, it has got to be me. Not only should you do this, but I think the whole world has got to go back to this form of transportation. I mean what is the City of Worcester’s bus system but a very large, and very late, version of hitchhiking? Could be just as safe to be picked up by a soccer mom or a lonely man running errands. Sure it gets tricky when you need to get to Boston or Providence. That takes luck. But if you’re just trying to get around town it’s got to be pretty good.
My dad grew up in Pittsfield, MA and would hitchhike to basketball practice. He hitchhiked to go meet his date for prom. His brother once hitchhiked after a drinking party in the woods and got picked up by an older couple. After driving a ways, the woman asked where he went to school, he said St. Joseph’s. She responded, “Oh our grandsons go there!” And he says, “yeah gram it’s me!” So that could happen to you too! Get picked up by your grandma without her even recognizing you!
My father went to Assumption here in Worcester. And he would hitchhike back to Pittsfield for winter and summer break. I’m convinced the reason he decided to stay and work in Worcester is because he didn’t have a ride back to the Berkshires. Hitchhiking was very much a part of the culture right into the 70s. Then Reagan, Bush and Clinton had to start going on and on about “super predators” and take all the fun out of another way of transportation. Between those barely whistled racist terms and the 24-hour news cycle it does just seem inevitable that we would get rid of thumbing for a ride.
Speaking of the 24-hour news cycle, I just read Ted Turner’s obituary and he used to sing Nazi songs outside of Jewish fraternities and post KKK material on black students’ dorms at Brown University. He did not get kicked out of school for either of those acts. He got kicked out for having a woman in his dorm. Man, fuck Ivy Leagues.
Anyways, yes. Please hitchhike. Driving apps are just giving more money to the tech idiots who are trying to kill us with AI. (Yes, we understand Substack is part of that problem too, more on that soon.) Of course you could call a cab, but that costs money. Yes, the bus is free and is actually pretty great for the most part, but sometimes you’re standing up because there is piss on a seat or you’re stuck at an unofficial stop because someone is having mental health crisis. What’s the worst that could happen with hitchhiking? You die? Yeah, we’re all spiraling towards that anyway. You might just as easily die crossing the street in Webster Square or living in an old apartment that has asbestos. Plus, you could meet some cool people asking for a ride on the side of the road.
There are only two types of folks who pick up hitchhikers: lonely interesting people and lonely psychos. Fifty/fifty odds are a pretty good bet. Go ahead and hike up that skirt or stick out that thumb. Go meet your neighbors from their back seat!
NEWS
This week we have two shows. The first is on Saturday at Wachusett BrewYard in the Worcester Public Market. Tickets can be bought here. It has two amazing comedians from New York, Casey James Salengo and Courtney Maginnis. Check out Casey’s Special here. Check out Courtney’s here.
Then on Sunday American Flatbread is doing an Industry Night. There will be bowling and then at 7:30 we’ll have a nice little showcase for you. It is FREE and will be a very good time.
"Thumbing" was routine when I was a kid. It likely refers to something different these days.